What Can I Do if My Mother or Father Is an Alcoholic or Drug Abuser?

You may consider yourself the “cool” parent, the one who is more lax when it comes to rules, or the one who is more trusting of their teen. You can still be this parent while establishing rules around drinking or drug abuse. In fact, these rules are important in keeping your loved one safe. Studies show that teenagers who know their parents disapprove of substance use are less likely to keep using. Tell your teen how you feel about drugs now, and establish expectations for drug use in the future.

About 1 in 10 children (7.5 million) lived in households with at least one parent who had a past year alcohol use disorder. Finally, if a parent’s substance abuse is so chronic and toxic that it could irreparably harm the child’s safety and welfare, a court can terminate that person’s parental rights. In cases of “joint physical custody”, the child resides with both parents for certain periods of time. This can range from a couple of days a week with one parent and the balance with the other, to a child literally living with each parent six months a year. During those periods when the child is living with one parent, the other parent will spend time with the child based on a schedule worked out between the parents or ordered by the court. The most commonly abused drugs among older adults are narcotic painkillers, tranquilizers, and sleeping pills.

I remember pointing to his drugs and saying, “Smack, Daddy!” And he leapt up and smacked me on the bum for it really hard. It always stuck in my mind because I must have been trying to please him by showing off that I was a clever girl because I knew what that was. But obviously I wasn’t meant to know what smack was at that age. In cases where a parent’s condition could pose imminent physical or emotional harm to the child the court could order parent-child contact to take place at a court-approved facility, staffed with trained personnel. You’re not going to want to uproot a child in the middle of a school year to accommodate living with the parent who’s outside the district.

Dealing with this chaos and unpredictability can leave kids feeling insecure and uncertain. Additionally, they may receive inconsistent messages from their parents. Teens may test boundaries with parents, and they are often prone to compulsive behavior. Remember, about one-third of teensrelapse within the first three months after treatment. With patience and love, parents can guide their children through recovery. Parents should enforce rules for a drug-free home, but they should also be understanding if relapse occurs.

Actions speak louder than words. Children really do notice what their parents say and do.

Depending on how far along the parent is into recovery, the judge may even decide joint physical custody is warranted. Substance abuse disorders are often misdiagnosed in older adults, and this can present a huge barrier to receiving addiction treatment. The symptoms of alcohol or drug addiction in older people often mimic those of common medical disorders including diabetes, depression, and dementia. Many doctors work under the same assumption as most people, thinking of addicts as generally being younger. Parents of Addicted Loved Ones is a Christian-based nonprofit for mothers and fathers of children with substance use disorders.

“The family has to be a part of the solution,” said Dr. Kevin Wandler, chief medical officer of Advanced Recovery Systems. “The exception is, of course, if the parents are a part of the problem.” Remember that doctors and therapists don’t have to tell you what your child shares with them unless they believe the child is as at risk for harming themselves or others. Support the client-patient relationship because therapists will do what’s best for your child, and that may mean keeping some things a secret from you. While it is true that experimenting with drugs is a frequent occurrence among teens, this is not to say it is normal or okay. Drug use during adolescence is not a “rite of passage,” like many teens and their parents assume. Rather, it can pose great risk for your child’s mental and physical health down the road.

• It should be noted that, for two-parent households, it is not possible to determine whether both parents in the household had SUD.
• I have vivid memories of them injecting from about six years of age, and I remember my dad convulsing from a bad batch of heroin.
• Kids don’t always understand the nuances of addiction, and depending on their age, they might not need to.
• Ambert AM. Differences in children’s behavior toward custodial mothers and custodial fathers.

This project was supported by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA; R01 DA 02879). Its contents are solely the responsibility eco sober house rating of the authors and do not necessarily represent the position of NIDA or the Department of Health and Human Services.

How to Discuss Drug Abuse With Youth

As predicted , boys’ illicit drug usage was unrelated to the sex of the custodial parent in single-parent households. However, we do not expect males to show this oppositional pattern of greater drug use when living with their mothers . This divergence from the same-sex hypothesis is based on the premise derived from thematernal hypothesis that mothers cultivate closer relationships and monitor their children more closely than fathers (Downey et al., 1998; Eitle, 2006). As such, drug usage of males in single-mother households will be attenuated, contrary to expectations of the same-sex hypothesis, and this reduction will tend to diminish the advantage derived of same-sex pairings in father-only households.

Even occasional drug use can lead to incidents like fights, car accidents, unsafe sex, and overdose. As a parent, it is important that you do not overlook or brush off your teen’s drug use. Address your concerns now, to keep him or her safe long-term. One in five drug abusers in some treatment programs in the United States received their first taste of these illegal substances from their parents, usually before the age of 18, a new survey says. Thomas G, Farrell M, Barnes G. The effects of single-mother families and nonresidential fathers on delinquency and substance abuse in Black and White adolescents.

Risk Factors for High-Risk Substance Use

It’s important to note that in order for a court to alter an existing custody or visitation order, most states require a showing of a substantial change in circumstances from the date the court issued the current order. Determining physical custody can be more problematic than legal custody because there tend to be more obstacles to overcome. For example, if the parents live a significant distance from each other, the issue of a child’s school attendance can crop up. If a parent has “sole physical custody,” the child resides exclusively with that parent. The other parent will ordinarily have visitation rights with the child, again on an agreed upon or court-ordered schedule.

Instead, encourage them to talk to someone that they trust—a teacher, counselor, foster parent, or members of a peer support group such as Alateen. Finally, when talking with teens, the first thing you need to consider is that they may be feeling resentful of the addiction. This may be especially true if the addiction has required them to miss time with their friends due to taking care of younger siblings or doing extra chores. If you are concerned about your former spouse’s alcohol or drug use, you can raise this issue with the court and take steps to document any incidents that support your concerns. This might include police reports, DUI charges, or similar evidence. How, then, might the courts respond to complaints about substance use?

All estimates in this report are annual averages from the combined 2009 to 2014 NSDUH data. An elderly parent with an existing mental health disorder and an emerging dependence on prescription drugs may benefit from a program offering a dual diagnosis treatment. This kind of integrated approach to recovery can address both prescription drug abuse and the underlying mental health issues that may have contributed to the misuse of medication or been created as a result of the growing dependence on meds.

Help Your Child Learn Different Ways To Say “No!”

Adult dosages are different from teen dosages, and simply cutting a pill in half doesn’t ensure you are giving your children a safe amount. Exposing them toprescription drugs without a doctor’s prescription teaches them that it’s OK to obtain them on their own. Always seek medical advice before allowing your child to take a prescription https://sober-home.org/ medication, and make sure to dispose of unused medications once they’re no longer needed. Some children experiment with drugs despite their parents’ best efforts. Thousands of adolescents consume alcohol or other drugs every day. While many are capable of trying drugs once and walking away, others succumb to addiction.

My son can certainly tell you about a holiday that I ruined due to my drug use. Hoffman JP. Exploring the direct and indirect family effects on adolescent drug use. Amato PR. The consequences of divorce for children and adults. Court orders involving children are always subject to modification, provided you request it from the court. Teaching social-emotional skills takes time that you just don’t have to spare. With SEAL, teachers are empowered to make a difference everyday in creative ways that are embedded into their class time.

We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers. Many older adults feel a strong sense of stigma surrounding substance abuse disorders, likely because they may have grown up being told that these illnesses were due to character defects or lack of personal strength. Unfortunately, there is also the mindset among some people that addiction treatment simply is not worthwhile for older adults, since they are closer to the end of their lives anyway.

A central focus of this study serves to highlight important differences among family structures, and single-parent families in particular. Based on combined 2009 to 2014 NSDUH data, 2.1 million (2.9 percent) children aged 17 or younger lived in households with at least one parent who had a past year illicit drug use disorder . Because of the eco sober house boston methodology used to calculate the number of children living with a parent with a past year illicit drug use disorder, it is not possible to determine whether there were significant variations by age group. Adults with an SUD may have an alcohol use disorder, an illicit drug use disorder, or both an alcohol and an illicit drug use disorder.

For some seniors, including ones with military service, one of those underlying co-occurring conditions could be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by traumatic events from years or decades ago. While it’s common for an elderly parent to take prescription pills for short-term or long-term purposes, it’s helpful to be aware of significant changes in your loved one’s appearance or behavior that might indicate an abuse of medications is happening. Some warning signs include a frequent refilling of prescriptions, becoming secretive about their prescriptions, and changes in coordination or vision which may lead to falls or other accidents.

The most important thing to note when discussing custody or visitation, is that the court will base its ultimate decision on what is in “the best interests of the child.” “Legal custody” refers to a parent’s right to participate in the decision-making process regarding a child’s upbringing and welfare, on subjects such as education, religion, and non-emergency medical issues. Whether a child will attend a public or private school is an example. What is more, addiction can cause more far-reaching effects in older adults because their metabolisms are typically slower, and they are likelier to take several prescription medications regularly.

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Just remember that each state has its own laws regarding modification. Many people have preconceived notions of the meaning of the terms “custody” and “visitation.” One parent has custody of the kids and controls their upbringing, and the other parent gets visitation rights. If that’s your belief as to how custody works, then you’re likely in for a surprise.

It’s a conversation that you need to have because drugs can ruin your child’s life. Every year, millions of teens try alcohol, marijuana or tobacco products for the first time. They won’t get in a car accident, and they won’t become addicted.